You’re Not Broken, You’re Repressed: The Real Story Behind Sexual Shame in the Driven, Brilliant, and Burned Out

My clients are the most brilliant, beautiful, successful, resourceful people I know. I’m amazed that they’re in my life.

People admire them. I admire them. They’ve done it all. They’re just beyond.

So even I am so surprised when I see that there is a crippled, carefully hidden part of them that seem to darken every step they walk, every thought they think.

It’s so painful, so raw, so hard just to witness, that often I’m the first person they dare to share it with.

That part is sexual shame.

And the hardest is that they always think they are the only ones to carry such a dark secret. The truth is, we all have it.

Whatever you think is wrong with you, believe me, most people do, too.

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It’s Not That You’re Broken. It’s That You Had to Shut It Down.

Sexual shame doesn’t show up in obvious ways.

It’s in the slight weirdness when someone touches you.
The way your mind goes blank when you're asked what you want.
The exhaustion after sex. The overthinking. The anxiety. The guilt.

It’s in the way you suppress your deepest longings, or over-perform to please others.
It’s in the unacknowledged belief that this part of you is too wild, too much, too dangerous.

You might be doing all the “right” things.
And still feel completely disconnected.

👉 Related: Exploring the True Meaning of Tantra
https://www.sandrinebettinelli.com/blog/exploring-the-true-meaning-of-tantra

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The Real Cost of Shame

You’d think that sexual shame is just in the bedroom, but it’s not. It poisons everything.

It’s the heavy fog that seeps into every part of your life.
It whispers that you’re too much, or not enough.
It wraps its fingers around your voice, your confidence, your desire.

It makes you second-guess your every move.
It keeps you from asking for what you need.
It tells you that if anyone *really* saw you, they’d walk away.

Shame says: *You are the problem, you always were, you always will be.*
And that lie stays deep within.

And here’s what Tantra teaches:

✨ You did nothing wrong.
✨ You are not broken.
✨ You were born whole. Sacred. Already enough.

The shame was never yours to begin with.
It was taught. Passed down. Imprinted. And now it’s ready to be released.

Shame is the most excruciating of all the emotions, and often it’s hiding quite deep.
It’s hard to find, hard to track, and even harder to face.

Befriending your shame—bringing it into the light instead of hiding it in the dark —might be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do.

But it’s also the most powerful and life-changing act of love you can offer yourself.

And when you do?

That’s when the real magic begins.

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What Tantra Says

Tantra doesn’t shame your desire.
It sanctifies it.

It doesn’t say “control yourself.”
It says: “Know yourself. Love yourself. Let life move through you.”

It doesn’t require a partner. Or a specific practice. Or a sexy outfit.
It simply requires your presence.

Because presence is the gateway to power.

When you meet yourself where you are—with acceptance, compassion, tenderness—you don’t just reclaim your sensuality.
You reclaim your joy. Your freedom. Your truth.

Related: Tantra for Beginners: Myths and Truths

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Ready to begin?

You don’t have to untangle shame alone.

If you want a space where you can be witnessed with depth, care, and zero judgment —
If you’re ready to explore what it means to reclaim your body, your boundaries, your pleasure, and your power —

I offer 1:1 coaching sessions for people just like you — driven, brilliant, and ready for something more.
Together, we bring shame into the light and meet it with truth, tenderness, and transformative practice.

✨ Apply for coaching

It’s not about becoming someone new.

It’s about remembering who you already are — and learning to live from that place, every single day.